News of a possible pregnancy loss or miscarriage can feel distressing and emotionally overwhelming. You may notice a mix of feelings: Sadness, worry, disbelief, or numbness are all common. Each of these responses are valid in this moment.

We know that you may be experiencing uncertainty while you wait for further information, and we recognise that this in-between space can feel especially difficult to sit with.

In this moment:

• Take things one step at a time. You do not need to process everything today.
• Ask questions as they arise and remember that your clinical team is here for you
• Lean on people you trust, if that feels right for you.
• Be gentle with yourself, both physically and emotionally.

Some people find it helpful to take time out, reduce commitments, or create space to rest. Others prefer to hold on to routine and familiarity to stay grounded. It may help to check in with yourself from moment to moment and notice what feels most supportive for you - chances are good that it will change.

Experiences of miscarriage can feel emotionally and physically overwhelming. This can include the uncertainty of not knowing what will happen next, worry about physical pain, or distress related to medical procedures, information, or sensory experiences.

You are allowed to slow things down and ask for what you need.

You may find it helpful to:

• Ask your clinician to pause, slow down, or repeat information
• Ask for information to be written down so you do not need to hold it all in your mind
• Have a support person with you to listen, take notes, or simply be present with you
• Let the team know if you are feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or need a break
• Ask about what will happen step-by-step before any procedure or next steps, if that feels helpful for you
• Choose not to engage with information in detail right now if it feels like too much

Don’t be surprised if you think of questions later on - it’s not too late to ask your medical team. You can call or message them through when you’re are ready.

Greif from a pregnancy loss can feel intangible or invisible and this can complicate the way that we grieve - deeply felt but difficult to put into words. Some people find it helpful acknowledge the loss in a way that feels meaningful to them.

• Spending time in a special or meaningful place and having time to reflect
• Creating a small keepsake with an item or items that feel connected to this experience
• Lighting a candle on a significant day
• Planting a tree or a garden for remembrance

This may not be something that feels right immediately, but perhaps over time as you move through your grief.

Following a pregnancy loss, it’s common for grief to come in waves, sometimes feeling intense and overwhelming, and at other times allowing more space or emotional distance. These shifts are a natural response to loss, particularly when it is connected to hopes, plans, and a fertility pathway.

It can be helpful to gently notice what is coming up for you, without needing to push emotions away or make sense of them all right now.

Sharing parts of your experience with trusted people in your life such as a partner, friend, or whānau member, can sometimes help you feel less alone in this.

Consider reaching out for specialised help, such as a counsellor or psychologist with experience in pregnancy loss or fertility-related distress, especially when emotions feel particularly heavy or difficult to hold.

• Fertility Associates counsellors - Specialised counsellors in each FA clinic
• Miscarriage Support New Zealand - Practical information, peer support, and local support groups
• Sands New Zealand - Nationwide support groups and one-to-one support for pregnancy and baby loss. Freephone 0508 72 63 72
• Miscarriage Matters NZ - Information, care packages and resources
• Whetūrangitia - Information for bereaved families and whānau

Need to talk to someone now?

• Free call or text 1737 (24/7 counselling support)
• Depression Helpline - call 0800 111 101 or text 4202 for support from a trained counsellor
• Anxiety Helpline - call 0800 ANXIETY (0800 269 4389)
• Contact your GP, fertility team or clinic counsellor can help connect you with specialist support

Miscarriage following fertility treatment can feel especially painful, given the hope, time, and emotional energy that may have been invested in this pregnancy. This experience can carry deep meaning and grief, and it is okay to acknowledge the significance of that loss.

You may find that thoughts about what comes next begin to surface. Equally you may feel that it is too soon to think beyond today. Both are completely understandable.

There is no need to make decisions right now. You are allowed to take things at your own pace, to pause, and to give yourself time to process what has happened before thinking about next steps.

For many people, waves of grief can pop up at different times, including well into the future. Anniversaries, reminders and firsts can often reignite some of the feelings around loss, so remember to take care of yourself in such moments.

We are here to support you, whatever comes next.